top ten reasons top ten lists are a waste of time

When I turned 40, I realized to my horror that I was now the subject of entirely too many “top ten” lists. the top ten hairstyles, the top ten jeans, and on and on… My message to the creators of lists everywhere: you are wasting your time. Here is my top ten list for you. It’s called “Top 10 Reasons Why You Are Wasting Your Time Writing Women Over 40 A Top 10 List.” Here goes:

1. we haven’t noticed anything has changed since yesterday when we were 39;

2. we already know his favorite ten positions, thank you very much;

3. we may well know her favorite ten positions, thank you very, very much;

4. we unquestionably know our favorite ten positions and that matters most (no thank you required; our pleasure is its own reward);

5. ten reasons to take “me time” would never, ever be enough;

6. ten signs he is a jerk is nine too many; we know that one is way more than enough;

7. the top ten of any year is just trendy; we know the beauty of timeless;

8. we don’t need even one reason to say “I love you;”

9. the top ten of anything doesn’t matter when you are juggling reason number 17 and reason number 32;

10. we know you don’t need ten of anything when you have an exceptional one of that thing;;

11. yes, there is a number 11 because we also know we don’t have to follow The Rules.   So number 11: it’s safe to assume we already know how to do shit; recall we have conquered high heels and childbirth before you even started writing your list.

And one final note. If you don’t know what The Rules means, just know it’s a book we read a long time ago. And then threw away.